I Don't Want to be a Twin!

When I was pregnant with my twin boys I often envisioned that they would grow up and have a really close relationship. I always thought how wonderful it would be if they were each other's best friends, lovingly shared everything and really enjoyed spending all their time together....basically attached at the hip. The closest I came to that as reality was when they were babies asleep in the same crib. This little fantasy of mine busted long ago...and it continues to be out of reach to this day. 

Yip came home from school the other day, kind of down in the dumps, and said, "I wish Yap had been born a different year than me." He wished he wasn't a twin, poor guy. He's spent 8 1/2 years sharing toys, clothes, a bedroom...everything, with his brother. Yip and Yap have probably had to share more stuff than DR and I have since we've been married. Our school is so small that there is only one teacher per grade so Yip and Yap have had to share a teacher and classmates for the last three years. 

I had six brothers and sisters and I know from first hand experience that siblings are annoying but I'm getting the feeling that a twin sibling must be a whole new level of aggravating. Yip and Yap seem to really know how to push each other's buttons and tend to test those buttons on a regular basis.

There's a lot about the lives of my twin boys that I just can't change. We don't have an extra bedroom so they don't have to share one. I can't get them separate teachers. I would be happy to divide and label all their clothes so they wouldn't have to share those but...they're boys, I don't think they care one bit whether they have to share clothes or not. (I would venture to guess that would be totally different with twin girls though.) 

DR and I have made a lot of efforts to encourage their differences though. Yip is into duct tape and cardboard, Yap has his Legos and I'm not going to make either share with the other. Yip likes t-shirts, Yap prefers hoodie sweatshirts. Fine, I promise to never ask you to wear identical clothes. 

The funny thing is though despite the fact that Yip and Yap can be one another's mortal enemy there are also times they are one another's biggest ally. For example; a new Lego set was just released (something to do with crocodiles, lions and boats....I'm sure I'm oversimplifying it but that's the gist I got from them) and DR and I won't buy it for them, it's something like $70! However, Yip and Yap have decided to pool all their money and buy it together. This isn't some spur of the moment thing. They've been talking daily about it for 2 weeks; counting their money and looking for new jobs to get paid for. 

It seems like being a twin you don't have to just deal with the normal sibling aggravations, rather they are pushed to the extreme. There are extreme negatives but extreme positives too. So what's worse the extremes of twins or the drama of girls? (I'll let you know once I've survived Yahoo's teen years. Her three year old drama is a whole other subject that easily rivals twin extremes!) 

Any suggestions? Tips? Great twin stories to share? How can I make the life of my twins, who sometimes don't want to be twins, just a little bit easier? 

Officer and her Mini Me

This is a pic of my sister, the Officer, when she was 4 or 5. 

This is a pic of my 3 year old daughter Yahoo. 

And here they are both together about two weeks ago. 

It's eerie how much these two look alike! Yahoo sure doesn't look anything like me. 

See?? Yahoo looks more like my sister than she does me! 

 You'd think that after carrying her in my womb for nine and a half months (I swear!) and going through a C-section to give birth to her she'd at least have the courtesy to LOOK like me! 

This is my favorite photo of the two together! I have to say that the way "looks" get passed down in my family tree has always amazed me.

I don't know if I want Yahoo to grow up acting like my sister the Police Officer! That may be more than I can handle! 

Birthday Parties for Twins; A Guest Blog from Lisa Moore

I recently received an email from a woman named Lisa Moore asking if I would be interested in a guest post. She is part of The Party Works, a party supply company, and has written other guest posts about children's birthday parties; Five Way to Encourage Good Manners at Birthday Parties and Tips for Children’s Birthday Parties That Encourage Proper Development.

My twins' birthday isn't until the end of August but we have already been talking about having their first party with friends and not just family. I have been putting off a friend birthday party for the last couple of years because there were a lot of issues, like gifts and themes, that we haven't been able to hammer out until recently. I was curious to get any suggestions I could so I asked Lisa if she could write a post focusing on birthday parties for twins, which of course could apply to triplets or other multiple siblings as well. 




Birthday Party Planning Tips for Twins by Lisa Moore 


Planning birthday parties for kids can be a headache, and planning birthday parties for twins can be even more stressful. You have to make sure each of your twins is happy and feels special at the party, and you have to make sure all the party guests are safe and happy too. Plus, you have to get the right party supplies, cake, and snacks. And you have to plan the activities for the party or reserve a spot at a kids’ party venue. Preparing for a birthday party for twins is definitely not a walk in the park. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to make the overall party planning and party throwing easier. Here are some of them:


1. Go with a theme the twins can agree on. 


Get together and discuss possible party themes as a family. Chances are, the twins will want different party themes, especially if you have boy and girl twins. You can either spend time discussing possible themes until the twins can agree on one, or you can do something like allow one child to pick the theme this year with the promise that the other child will be able to pick the theme next year. If you’re going to throw the party away from your home at a party venue, you’ll have to go through a similar process. Let the twins discuss which party venues they like until they agree on one, or go with one child’s preference for a party venue this year and the other child’s preference next year. 


2.  Buy some extra gifts. 


Most of the party guests will know to bring two gifts, but some of them won’t. You could explicitly state that you’d like them to bring two gifts on the party invitations, but doing so might make you feel uncomfortable. Inevitably, some of the guests will only bring one gift. So, you should buy a few extra presents to have ready at the party in case this happens. That way your twins will get the same amount of gifts, and there won’t be any tears or fighting about which child got more or having to share. 


3. Do everything you can to make sure both children feel special. 


Plan out activities based on both of your children’s interests, and make sure to pay attention to both of them equally at the party. Sharing your birthday with your twin usually means you have to share the spotlight. So, make sure neither child feels any less loved than the other. Make them breakfast to eat in bed on the day of their birthday, and cook each of their favorite foods. For instance, you might serve one child pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon and serve the other waffles, sausage, and fruit. Spend some extra time shopping for their presents and get them things you’ll know they’ll love. There’s no better time to let your twins know how much you love them than on their birthday!


Author’s Bio: Lisa is a mom and guest post writer on the topics of motherhood, toddler care, and how to plan kids’ parties like a Mario birthday party or a party for multiples. 

Don't forget to ask about the cake!
Are you twins/triplets willing to share a cake or do they really want to have their own?

I love the idea of rotating choices of themes from one year to the next which is what my boys have agreed to do; this year pirates and next year soldiers. I don't think that would have been an option in years past but with my boys maturing they are learning to compromise. 


I don't necessarily agree with Lisa on her second point of buying extra gifts. Any mother of multiples knows that raising twins isn't cheap because there are no hand me downs and considering these economic times buying extra gifts just may not be possible. Also what if those extra gifts I buy aren't even close in value/coolness/wow factor of guests gifts? Not cool Mom! I would suggest being very specific on invitations and either 1) ask that no gifts be brought (have mom/dad/grandparents take care of that) or 2) request half the guests to bring a gift for Twin A and the other half of the guests to bring gifts for Twin B. Although twins have lived their lives sharing, sometimes it's best to avoid throwing them in an unequal situation. 


Lisa's last point is right on!! Especially as twins grow older their personalities and interests can be as different as night and day despite their living side by side. My boys don't like the same foods and though most days I tell them, "I am not a restaurant and you will eat what I put in front of you!" But birthdays are different and even if it takes a bit longer, I'm willing to show them they're special with separate meals.


Also as twins get older it is VERY important to put extra thought into their birthday/Christmas gifts. My boys could really care less what their little sister receives for gifts but they are very aware what their twin gets and how it rates compared to their own gift. I admit I have failed in gift giving in the past for my twins and there have been birthdays where one gift was obviously not as cool as the other (in my boys eyes at least.) But I'm getting better. 


The best advice I can give on birthday's for twins is sit down and talk to them and really listen to what they both want and what they feel is important. Don't overload, keep it simple and have fun! 


Thanks Lisa for some great tips. Any twin/triplet moms or dads out there with other birthday tips? I'd love to hear from you! 

Playing Basketball with Daddy.

Shoot! 

It won't be too long before those little boys will be taller than their daddy! 

All Yahoo was concerned about was stealing the ball..ha ha!! 

Who knows, maybe she'll be a guard and a much better ball handler than I ever was! 

I am starting to realize just how much more athletic one of my boys is than the other but I won't say which because I hate the idea of comparing twins to each other. It's just a very interesting thing to observe with twins. 

"Give it to me Daddy! Mommy needs a turn!"
Yep, that's what she kept saying. 

Basketball kids in the making! 

Do you think we'll be back in Indiana by the time they are teenagers? 

I could really see myself into the Hoosiers basketball lifestyle in about 10 more years!! 

The Good, The Bad, The Trash Boy

Growing up I had six younger brothers and sisters. Of course there were times I was jealous of my sisters who got to do things I didn't, like eat lunch with Grandpa at Penguin Point because I was in school and they weren't. Or I was upset because I had to help Dad with some sort of job just because I was the oldest while my brothers and sisters were doing something else. Ah, sibling rivalry...what wonderful memories!!

Sibling rivalry sure doesn't end with twins. You'd think everything would be fine since they do everything at the same time and share practically everything. After all they start school at the same time, get the same gifts at Christmas and birthdays and share clothes.

But no, with twins it seems I have to go out of my way to make sure the balance of fairness never gets tipped in either direction. Yip and Yap are always ready to alert me to any injustice they have suffered.

"He got to sit by the baby last time." (I'm still not sure why this one is such a privelege!)

"He picked out the movie yesterday!"

"Why do I have to help do that again?!"

It's enough to make my nose hairs stand on end! (Wouldn't that be a funny sight!)

To battle against the offenses and inequity of being a twin we have come up with a system in our house. Trash Boy and Dog Boy.

Every morning the boys do chores after breakfast. One dumps all the trash in the house and the other feeds and waters the dog. These two chores set the tone for the whole day and the boys alternate these jobs everyday. We even have to write on a calendar which day is who's to be Trash Boy. Since the trash tends to be the most undesirable job, it's smelly and messy, Trash Boy gets the glory of the day. He chooses what we watch on tv. He gets to sit where he wants at mealtime. We read on Trash Boy's bed at bedtime.  

But with the Good also comes the Bad. Trash Boy also has to help set the table or any other little chore that pops up during the day. He's the first to take a bath and brush his teeth; all those things a six year old boy would rather put off during the day.

I never set out to create Trash Boy; it evolved on its own with help from Yip and Yap. Yet, I'm pleasantly surprised how efficient the system has become.

So, your turn. How do you keep sibling fights and arguments to a minimum? Do you have a system to share?

Raising twins....

When people find out I have twin five year old boys (almost six) and a 15 month old daughter, there are two things they ALWAYS say.

"Wow! They must keep you busy!"

Yes, having three children keeps any mom busy whether she is raising twins or not. Boys and brothers in general, I believe, will keep anyone busy (and crazy)! It always bugs me when someone says I must be a busy mom...duh!! Please! All moms are busy. It's part of the job description. But why would you presume that just because I have twins that I am busier than moms with boys ages, let's say, 5 and 7? In fact, I would probably say having twins keeps me less busy than if I had two sons of different ages.

First of all, Yip and Yap play together wonderfully and better than the boy/girl twins we know of the same age or brothers we know of similar ages. They wrestle and climb trees together. They play so well together there are times I have to go looking for them because they are so quietly engrossed in their play. Oh they aren't perfect of course. They fight and bicker and want their private time like all brothers but for the most part they kind of take care of each other so I don't have to. Does that make sense?


When I was pregnant with the twins, and very nervous, my great grandmother told me how wonderful it would be to have twins because I'll always be doing the same thing with them at the same time. I found that very comforting and, almost six years later, very true. They go to preschool together and to play dates together. They wear and share the same size clothes. They are reading, writing and learning math at the same skill level. It saves a lot of time when I am teaching a new skill to two children versus teaching two separate skills to two different age children. I have found dealing with Yahoo, who is 15 months and one of the boys at the same time is more difficult than having to deal with the two boys together, whatever the situation. I know someday Yip and Yap won't be interested in doing the same things. Their personalities and interests will diverge and they will go their separate ways but I do think they'll be closer as adults because of growing up with a twin brother.

And I always hear...

"How did you do it? How did you take care of twin babies by yourself?"

And yes I was by myself. DR works in the agriculture business which means working long hours and weekends. I don't blame him at all for not being able to help more, it's just the way it was. We were living in Delaware for the first five months of the boys lives away from our family in Indiana. I was stuck in a house all day with two babies without the possibility of meeting people. When we moved back to Indiana, we were thirty minutes from my sister who had two small boys of her own and two hours from any other relatives. Yes, I was on my own. No family to babysit while I took a nap or to babysit so I could have time to myself. (It always pissed me off to read that in any twin book! Not everyone had the luxury of family close by to help.)

 I will admit that when Yip and Yap were babies it was definitely NOT a time saver to have twins. The first year was tough. I cried and slept and ate. I'm pretty sure that's the only way I survived the first year of twins. (But after the first year things were much easier.)

 I stayed home a lot. Sometimes it was just too hard to get two babies out the door and going somewhere just wasn't worth the effort. Caring for two babies is not twice as hard, it's four times as hard. Two hands are just never enough. I remember when the boys changed from their baby car seats, the ones you carry around with a handle, to the bigger car seat. They were just a year old and not quite walking well yet. I drove over half an hour, in late fall, to buy a pair of dress shoes only to get to the store and realize I couldn't go in! The shoe store didn't have shopping carts waiting in the parking lot and my boys weren't able to walk across the parking lot themselves and I didn't have those handy car seats anymore to carry them in. There was no possible way for me to get the boys inside easily and buy a pair of shoes while keeping them corralled. I turned around and went home without shoes. There was a lot of sacrifices when the boys were small. I just couldn't do everything.

How did I do it? I did what I had to do, when I had to do it. Because I had to. That's it. I didn't know any better! How was I to know having two babies was so difficult? They were my first and I had nothing to base my experiences on. There is a four year age difference between the twins and Yahoo. If I had known one baby was so much easier, I would have gotten pregnant again lots sooner.

I love having twins! Let me say it again...I LOVE BEING THE MOTHER OF TWINS!!! Twins are fun and easy and hard and frustrating and unique. I wouldn't trade it for the world. So far their first year was the hardest but the hard stuff doesn't stop there. I'm finding that every developmental age offers unique challenges with twins. Losing a tooth for example. Yip lost his first tooth and Yap was filled with jealousy. It was hard time for him and an issue I was never expecting to deal with. As they get older I'm coming to realize they rely on one another more so than siblings of the same gender do. As a parent of twins there is the constant balancing act of treating your twins "the same" while treating them as individuals too.


I'm learning a lot about twins and know there's more to challenges to come. But I love being their mom, no matter how difficult it gets or how often I'm on my own wrangling them all. Twins are awesome! I would recommend them to anyone!