I used to think it was because, until now, we always lived in the country and it was too far/bothersome to go out and meet women. I used to think it was because we moved about every year or so. Then I blamed my lack of female friends on Mandy, another stay at home mom I knew. Mandy was so irritating to me I went out of my way not to meet other moms lest they annoy me as much as her or, heaven forbid, I'd end up in Mandy's social circle and have to spend more time with her.
Honestly though the lack of female friends has never bothered me much. I've always been kind of a loner and am fairly content being alone. I never dwelled on it much until my sister and I had a chat about it. My sister called me up one day and asked how I was doing.
"Kind of bored, actually." I answered. With Yip and Yap in school, I find myself with much less to keep me busy during the day. Yahoo's a handful but still, I can get bored.
"It's hard to make friends isn't it? " my sister asked. "Ann is having the same problem." Her friend Ann is military wife with a son in elementary and another in preschool. She is finding ways to keep busy when her kids are in school but mostly she's doing things by herself.
My sister has lived in the same town for eight years and has no friends there. She works in a different town but all her coworkers are either single or have grown children so socializing with them is difficult.
"We live in a fractured society. There isn't a social structure for stay at home moms or working moms!" my sister declared.
A fractured society. I'd never thought of it that way before but my sister makes a valid point. there really isn't many places for moms to meet other women outside thir children's lives and activities. How many moms make friends at their kids' sporting events? I've done the MOPS thing before and though it has a great message and purpose it wasn't for me. I don't want to go somewhere and talk and think and dwell on my kids. I do that at home. If I'm going to meet other women I want those female friendships to center on our shared interests because after all we have an identity apart from motherhood....or at least we should.
For my sister and I church isn't a place to find female friends either. Both she and I attend churches with small congregations mostly of retirees. Although I love the older women in the churches I've attended, I really don't have much in common with them.
I remember growing up my mom was a member of a home ec club. Do they even have those anymore? During my grandparents eneration there were bridge clubs and sewing circles. What kind of social opportunities to women of our generation have? Facebook and Twitter? Even though I'm online and have connected with many interesting and intriguing women, I don't feel that social media can replace an old fashioned girlfriend.
Are we a fractured society? Or maybe we are merely an isolated one. How did that happen? How is it that so many stay at home moms and working moms are lonely for female companionship? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and DR is my best friend but sometimes you just need a woman to talk to!
Why is it so difficult for moms to build other female relationships? Or am I in the minority here? Where can we go? How can women build friendly relationships with other women especially if they are women, like myself and military wives, who often move ?
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