Sunday Devotions - Troubled Hearts and Saying Goodbye

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going." John 14:1 - 4

A couple weeks ago when we were home in Indiana visiting family my grandfather passed away. I suppose it wasn't totally unexpected because he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's about four years ago and had gone downhill quickly in the last year. Still, losing a grandparent is always hard. Grandpa Asa was the fourth grandparent that has passed away but, for me, definitely the hardest to lose. 


You see, I lived with Grandpa and Grandma for four years while I attended college. My college was small and they lived within driving distance so I commuted to help save money. Grandpa was a special character. He fed me peanut butter and ice cream for breakfast when I was little. He could drink coffee at all hours of the day or night and he always offered you a cup of coffee no matter when you stopped by. Grandpa always wore bib overalls and seed corn hats, except to church. I'll never forget the time, when I was living with him,  when I went to do laundry only to find that Grandpa had washed a pair of his bib overalls with a full package of chewing tobacco in the pocket. I had to clean out washed Red Man out of the washing machine!! 


After I was married with kids, DR and I would return and stay with Grandpa Asa on visits. Grandpa once let my twin boys, aged 2 or 3 at the time, play with a big bucket of field corn on the living room carpet! 


I've cried a lot for Grandpa Asa. My heart has been troubled. 


I sure hadn't planned for a funeral during vacation; I had to buy a new dress and shoes. I was having a hard time dealing with the loss of Grandpa and I didn't know what we should do with our kids. My boys are almost 8 and remembered Grandpa well. Yahoo, I didn't know. Finally we decided that we would bring them early to the viewing for a few minutes before DR took them to play and the boys would attend the funeral while Yahoo was with a family friend. 


As we went to the casket during the viewing, my three year old daughter asked what was the matter with Papa. Trying my best not to cry, not succeeding, I answered that his body didn't work anymore and he went to live with Jesus and the angels. Yahoo exuberantly responded, "I want to go live with the angels too!!" 


My boys each went to the casket once or twice but I could tell that they weren't comfortable. I think mostly because Grandpa didn't look like the grandpa they remembered. Yahoo though kept asking over and over to go see Papa. She wasn't sad or upset standing at the casket. She just kept happily repeating to me that his body stopped working and Papa's was with the angels now. And she kept asking me why I was sad and crying. 


Yahoo taught me a lot that day. Papa's with the angels, which was a good thing and I shouldn't be sad. For Yahoo it was so simple. The facts were simple and she trusted that everything was fine. Papa was with Jesus, right? Why shouldn't everything be fine? Why couldn't I feel as happy as she? I learned I need to listen to the logic of my children more often. I think they understand God better than I do. 


Dear Lord, Make my heart like a child's today. Ever trusting and ever peaceful. You've promised us joy and gladness, peace of mind and heart. Help me not to be troubled but to look forward to eternity with You, when I'll see my loved ones again. Amen. 

Sunday Devotions - Looking forward to Death

I Corinthians 2:9  ‘Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him.’"  

I recently read the book, Heaven is for Real, the story of 4 year old Colton's visit to Heaven. In the book, his father Todd relates how after his son's heavenly experience he had trouble getting Colton to be safe. He tried to explain to the little boy that if he wasn't careful around the street, for example, that he could get hurt and die. Which the little boy replied joyously, "Then I could go back to heaven and see Grandpa!!!" The thought of death was exciting for Colton. It was something he looked forward to because he had already been to Heaven and he KNEW it was a WONDERFUL place! A place to look forward to going to. 


But honestly, don't we all fear death just a little bit? Not often do we hear someone wanting to speed up the time they have on earth. Shouldn't we though. I mean, Heaven is beyond what we can imagine! We can't fathom the grandeur of what God has in store for us, but we know it's going to be great. 

John 14:2-4

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going."

Revelation 21:4-8

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."  He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.  He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.  But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Have you ever heard the song There Are No Band Aids in Heaven? 

I love that song. It's just another reminder that we shouldn't fear death because by accepting Christ we have also accepting the great things he has in store for us. 

Dear Heavenly Father, Although I know You don't want us to go looking for death help us to overcome our fear and anxiety of it.  Help us, as adults, to learn to view this world and the world you have in store for us with the trust and innocence of a child. Amen. 

Goodbye Brandon

Rest In Peace Brandon

May 1, 1998 - June 2, 2012

You've been part of our extended family for almost eight years now buddy, but it's time to say goodbye. You've definitely had a good long life and we are happy to have known you. Thanks for all the television you watched and walks you took with this pregnant momma seven years ago. I wouldn't have made it through that summer without you. You will be sorely missed.

I never said "Goodbye." and that's okay.

Although I love the holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas, this year has been rather bittersweet for me. Last year, a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, my Grandma L passed away and Grandpa L passed away right before Christmas 8 years ago.

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve were spent with these grandparents. Not only do I miss those warm family get togethers but it's difficult to be reminded my grandparents left this world around the holidays.


When Grandpa's health was failing, 8 years ago, and he was in the hospital, I rushed to see him one last time. I found Grandpa in pain having a difficult time talking and breathing. There wasn't much I could do to ease his pain other than hold his hand and tell him I loved him. It hurt to see this strong man I had grown up next door to losing a battle with his failing body.

I was closer to Grandma than to Grandpa. I grew up decorating cakes, gardening, canning and butchering chickens with Grandma. After Grandpa died I wrote to Grandma quite a bit. Being that I lived three hours away I didn't get the chance to see her often. When her eyesight failed and her hands hurt too much she would still send her responses to my letters even when I assured her she didn't need to write back.

When Grandma went into the hospital for the last time I didn't go see her. DR asked repeatedly if i wanted to go home to see Grandma. "No." I always answered. At this point Grandma had given up. She was tired of this world and she was ready to go home. She wasn't awake or responsive and she wouldn't have known I was there anyway. She was surrounded by family and friends and I was comforted that she wasn't alone.

It may seem cold but I had nothing to say to Grandma even if I had gone. We had said all we ever needed to in conversations and letters. For years she lived in a nursing home that she hated but was the only place that could see to her medical care. I knew when my Grandma passed she would finally be at peace.

Maybe it's cowardice on my part but I also didn't go see Grandma in the hospital because I didn't want my last memory of her being one of her in a hospital bed. My grandmother was a strong, independent, brave and hard working woman. Those are the traits I wanted to remember her by. I didn't say "goodbye" to Grandma and that's okay.

All four of my grandparents were extremely supportive and loving of their family but Grandpa L and Grandma L hold a special place in my heart because I lived right next door to them during my entire childhood. I saw them practically everyday. They were more like a second set of parents than grandparents. They were steadfast and strong, loving and caring. They welcomed a house full of grandkids and noise.

Even though the holidays bear the reminder of the loss of two grandparents, I'm comforted with the memories of those same grandparents as they celebrated the holidays with me and my cousins in years past.