The Christmas Letter of Failure

I love Christmas cards.....I hate Christmas letters.

Okay, I get the idea...write a letter to let your friends and family know of all the year's happenings. Maybe some Christmas letters are welcome but not the ones my sister and I receive. We get those Christmas letters that boast about the in depth accomplishments of our friends' children, all of whom are of superior intellect and/or athletic ability. We get the Christmas letters the sing the praises of those working moms who hold their families lives and activities in perfect balance and harmony. Really, most of these letters give my sister and I migraines or they put us in a depression after we realize we must be terrible mothers because our kids aren't brilliant in 101 different areas.

My sister finally had enough! This year she and her husband poked fun at themselves and wrote their Christmas letter of failure, highlighting all the ways they and their children aren't living in perfect harmony! It's hilarious...especially if you know my three little nephews.

So, I'm sharing my sister Rose's Christmas letter of failure with you today.

Hoping this will give you a bit of a Christmas laugh during what may be a time of Christmas stress...enjoy!

P.S. - If you personally know my sister make sure you read the whole letter for the biggest parenting "failure" of all towards the end.


Greetings! We had another red letter year for the Bailey's. What? Is our car not good enough for you? Anyway, I will stop digressing from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." The year has come and gone in a blur of constant chaos and moments. Travis hasn't learned to say no and decided it would be a good idea to be president of ag teachers of Indiana, chief negotiator for the teacher's union, member of several committees and tasks force groups along with regular FFA duties and activities. Basically, he's married to the job.

Rose, anticipating this lack of slow down, decided to throw her hat at teaching ag and coaching FFA teams again, as well as piloting a new curriculum. She still doesn't realize teaching middle school will eventually lead to certifiable insanity.

Highlights of the year included a summer vacation to Sidney, OH. Never heard of it? Neither have we. Even the locals asked why we were there. The hotel had air conditioning and possibly some illegal narcotic activity. We went to the zoo and Dayton Air Force Museum to save the vacation from the certain doom of Sidney, it's icky playground by a waste treatment plant, and it's pathetic, solitary ice cream stand.

Graham celebrated his 1st birthday. He's the snottiest child in the history of mankind. When he learned to scoot, we could track his slime trail like a snail. Outside the leakage, he's a happy, healthy baby. We've been lucky to avoid the volcanic vomit and poop of previous babies.

Noah is a bundle of energy and always under one of his alter egos. We're running out of monsters and super heros. He has also perfected his happy meal radar and can smell golden arches from 100 mile radius. Noah is a clever boy. We recently learned he disposed his soiled underpants in the babysitter's yard to avoid punishment. She never discovered them and he maintained his status of "good kid".

Lucas, the time and energy vacuum, has reached 1st grade with minimal damage to all bystanders. Homework is tough, school is tough, and even recess can be a chore. He still enjoys school and is working to be a better student. We are learning to be parents of a child of autism, consulting books and assaulting professionals with questions. Lucas no longer licks people, at least not lately. And he only bit Joey once.

We are happy and healthy and our family has an addition. A cat and two gerbils, who rank above Noah and Graham in Lucas's eyes. We did go through two pet mice, who died, before going for the hardier gerbils.

We have had a good year. We are a year wiser and the boys are a year older. We are not that wise because despite our combined four college degrees and licenses to teach science, we have once again failed to in our understanding of human reproduction and are pregnant again.... SURPRISE!!

Merry Christmas from Travis, Rose, Lucas, Noah, and Graham.