I was having one of those days this past week; one of those days when I had no motivation. I was tired, it was really hot and I had spent a lot of time with my butt stuck on the couch watching way more television than what was good for me. It was a rather a blah and depressing day. It was also one of those days when I was having a bit of a head/heart struggle that didn't much help my attitude.
You see, this particular morning I had noticed an ad in the newspaper for a part time job that I was a little interested in (not a lot mind you) and my head was saying I should look into this position while my heart was saying that my place, for now, was to be home during the day with Yahoo. I was a bit grumpy with Mr. Heart. Just for the record I have nothing against working moms! Some of the best moms I know work outside the home. Every mom has to make her own personal choice, but Yahoo had been a handful this particular day and I was having a hard time seeing what was so wonderful about being a stay at home mom. My head and heart were wrestling back and forth all day.
Head; "Has my staying at home with my kids really made that much of a difference? What's the point? My kids still argue and fight and don't ever listen to me. Would they have been really that bad off if I had worked and they were in daycare? I miss adult conversation! My kids won't miss me that much if I find a job." Not to be outdone - Heart; "Can I really find a job worthwile though? Why did I have kids if I'm going to have someone else raise them? They are only little for a short time, do I really want to miss them grow?" These and all other kinds of thoughts bombarded me all day until I was mentally and physically exhausted.
When it was time to pick up Yip and Yap from school I was still in a "poor me" mood. As I walked into to school I was approached by one of the boys teachers who said, "I can tell you are a great mother!" Wow, my brain did a double take. Excuse me, what was that? She continued to explain how she just knew I had to be a great mother and teacher because of the stories the boys tell and background knowledge they bring to class and how well their express themselves. "You have really taught them well." She could have knocked me over with a feather. Wow, God sure sent the messager with a loud and clear message for me didn't He?
"You need to stay at home with your children. I told you once, that was Me speaking through your heart, but you needed to hear it again. So there it is." "Sorry for not listening the first time God...I've got the message now. This job isn't for me."
It's hard to be a stay at home mom, I know! Sometimes we feel like we aren't making a difference; there's no feedback on our job performance. Sometimes if feels as though no one notices how much effort we put into our children's lives. Least of all our children. Hang in there!! Someone is noticing right now. Someone can see that you are doing a great job so don't give up! You WILL get that feedback, it may just take a while. It IS worth it if it feels right in your heart! Heads are important to listen to but don't ignore what your Heart has to say either....even if your days are mostly like this!
Dear God, Thank you for revealing Your words and Your purpose to me. Help me call upon You for help before I rely on myself. Thank you for seeing all we do, everywhere and everyday. Amen.
GREAT post!
ReplyDeleteWow! This post really hit home with me. I have been struggling with these very same thoughts for several months now. I love reading your blog...it encourages me so much and helps me not feel so alone! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI have so been where you are or were on this day. I lived by myself for 17 years and was not liking all the quite alone time. Of course when we married and had children I had not alone/Me time. I also gave up teaching so I could be at home with our girls. I didn't realize that was going to be such a hard thing to do. Not only did I give up my job, I kind of gave up my identity and independence too. I am still trying to adjust to all this, and some days I wish I had a job, but most days I am glad to be where I am.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You are not alone!